the sound of silence

i've been thinking a lot about stillbirth, grieving and baby loss lately.

6 months ago, my dear friend lost her precious firstborn at 38 weeks gestation. bentley and my jude would have been 3 months apart, and we had so been looking forward to raising our boys together. the loss of a baby is such an unspoken subject. the way people seem to treat it is almost like the loss of a family pet- very sad, but you can "get over it".

it is nothing like that.

i've experienced so much heartache over bentley's death, which might seem strange to some, considering i never laid eyes on him. he was not my son, not my loss---but the fact that he is not here hurts. every time jude hits a milestone, it makes me think of what bentley should be doing right now, how much different his mother's life should be.

being a nurse that works on a palliative care/ oncology unit, one might think that i have become accustomed to death, and in a way i have. i do not see death as an entirely negative thing, rather, a natural part of life. however, the death of a baby or child is so unnatural, so unspeakably horrible. it is something no parent should ever go through, but it does happen- more often than we'd like to think or acknowledge.

i've been reading a lot of blogs that belong to mothers who have lost their babies. in an age where the internet is at most everyone's fingertips, i see no reason why people act with such ignorance- the flippant, cliche things we say to these parents wound them more than we can know. in reading, i have found so many heart-breaking tales, but also so much perspective. when you really try to put yourself in their shoes, when you allow your mind to go there- to imagine how devastating lost you would feel, you cannot help but to become a changed person. obviously in no way as changed as these mothers, but changed in a way that makes you more sensitive to their hurts. the road they walk is so very lonely. it is not fair that they should have to lose good friends on top of the loss they have already suffered.

This blog in particular has several post pertaining to what friends can do for a bereaved parent- the author herself lost her precious daughter, Felicity at 39 weeks gestation.  another amazing blog i found is this one- by dr joanne, founder of the MISS foundation.

the more i read, the more i care, and the more grateful i become for my sweet boy. i am blessed

bentley- thank you for teaching me how truly blessed i am- i cannot wait to meet you one day