meeting jude

for whatever reason, i was certain my little boy would come a little early. i knew i was only a first time momma, and that normally he would be late, but still i had a little feeling. despite that i set a date to be induced on january 29th, one day before my due date, because i could not handle the thought of him being born late.

honestly, besides being 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced, i had no signs of impending labor. sure, i had braxton hicks contractions, but they didn't hurt at all and were very irregular. i just tried to stay active, i walked a lot, and was still working 12 hour days at the hospital. other than having a belly, i was moving around like normal- i hadn't slowed down a bit.

at 1:30 in the morning, on january 18th, i awoke unexpectedly feeling a bit crampy- then i heard (and felt) a 'pop'! and then felt warmth on my legs. i was not expecting my water breaking to be so obvious. immediately i began to have real contractions and i made my way to the bathroom to make sure it was really happening.

after a call to my doctors, i got the ok to come in. i awoke my sleeping husband, and told him "it's time to go, he's coming." gerson was still half asleep and responded "who's coming?" when i told him it was jude, i've never seen anyone spring into action so quickly. completely cliche, he was running to get our bags ad gather up the last minute items. as he ran them out to the car, i waddled around, feeding our birds and kitties. then he came back for me. the walk from our apartment to the car went slowly, my contractions were already 2-3 minutes apart. at this point i was still in control of the pain, i didn't talk during the pain, but i didn't need to squirm yet.

our hospital was only 15 minutes away, and we arrived quickly. my contractions continued to increase in frequency and intensity. i had pre-registered, but we still needed to be admitted. i was amazed at how much they still needed to go over and verify. by this time i was squirming with the discomfort in the wheelchair, and had to ask for an emesis bag. while vomiting and trying to answer questions, poor gerson was getting more and more antsy.

we were finally allowed to go back to labor and delivery. after being led to our room, i changed into the lovely hospital gowns, which positively swallowed my petite frame. then it was time for more paper work, while i was hooked up to the monitors to make sure he was tolerating the contractions. my nurse assured me once we were done with that i could get in the shower---i could not wait to get out of that bed. my signature became more and more illegible with every paper. she checked me and i was 4 cm dilated and 100% effaced.

i was finally allowed to get in the shower. in my pain-blurred state, i could not figure out how to turn on the hot water, i was so frustrated. thankfully my sweet husband got me to sit on the bench while he got the water to the perfect temperature.  oh, that glorious shower! did it actually relieve the pain? no, not really, but the hand-held shower head was perfect for spraying my back and shoulders. a nurse(not my own) tried to tell me to spray my belly with it, all of my pain was concentrated in my lower abdomen and pelvis, spraying it did nothing for me. by spraying my back and shoulders i was able to sort of counter-act the pain. and oh the pain, more of a dull, deep ache. i was alone in that bathroom- just me and my labor pains. i breathed, i rocked myself back and forth, and deep strange sounds came out of me. gerson periodically checked on me, but i don't appreciate company when i'm in physical pain. it was a glorious hour.

then i had to come out, to get blood-work drawn and an IV started. i laid still pretty well for the blood-work, but by the time they were trying to start the IV it was all i could do to keep my arm still while the rest of me wriggled around. they checked me again, i was at 9 cm- so they left to call the dr to have her come in. though i had dried off after the shower, me and my bed were completely drenched in sweat (and i normally never sweat). i was holding onto the bed-rail for dear life, as i didn't want to hurt gerson's hand. he tried putting an emesis bag next to me, in case i needed it- i knocked it off the bed. he said sweet things to me- i told him to be quiet.

then there was so much pressure, my moans dropped in pitch and increased in urgency- my nurse quickly came in. when i told her "it feels like i need to poop"(in a horrible kind of way) she checked me and said i was there- but i had to wait on the dr.

let me tell you, that was awful. not knowing when she would arrive i went back to clinging to the bed-rail, moaning and whimpering. the nurse tried to comfort me with "you're doing so good", i told her i just really need to push. she replied "i know, poor baby". to which i replied, through clenched teeth "please don't call me poor baby". 

let me just say i am normally a very nice person, but there's something about needing to push and not being allowed to that is pure misery. during one of these awful contractions, nurse pops her head in the door, saying my mom and sister are here, and did i want them to come in? now i had already signed a paper when i arrived, saying i only wanted my husband in the room, and i had made it very clear to my whole family that i did not want an audience. and i was experiencing some of the worst pain i had ever felt and was just annoyed in general. so in response to her question(i could not see her), i yelled through clenched teeth- NOOO! she promptly left.

after what felt like an eternity, my dr arrived and quickly got to work. that half hour of pushing was a blur- the nurse instructing breath now, me doing my own thing with my body, oxygen getting put on my face, gerson holding one leg and the nurse held the other. i do  remember the nurse telling me she saw dark hair, and then he was crowning----and there was an intense fiery sensation, and i screamed through clenched teeth.

then relief.

5:20 am- less than 4 hours from the start.

and the sweetest little person i've ever seen was placed on my chest. gerson was busy cutting the cord, and everything else went hazy- it was just me and my dark haired little love sharing a moment. we just stared, he didn't cry at all. as the nurse and doctor were busy fixing me up, the three of us- our little family, just stared, smelled(the best smell), and drank the moment in.

the most challenging, rewarding experience of my life began with this little boy

and i am  loving this new adventure