it's tuesday, here's a squishy

who doesn't love rolls?

despite the happy picture, this is a post of a more serious nature....

i've always struggled with expressing myself in a serious way. i love to have fun, shop, and get together with friends, but i have a difficult time finding people to truly connect with, a "kindred spirit" if you will(i know there are some anne shirley fans out there). 

i've never been one to have a lot of friends, especially not girls(or should i say women). i realize a lot of this was related to my own insecurities, but in reality, i do prefer having a few close friends versus many surface friends. when it comes to close relationships, i tend to dive head-first, 100% in, and want that kind of devotion in return. not saying i'm automatically clingy or anything, but i just prefer a more personal, honest friendship. though i think this is also part of my problem, as i probably emit this in my actions. 

however, i will also say that i really hate the "game" that many girls play in friendship. the "we should hang out sometime" or "let's do something"- when in reality they never intend to make the time, or are constantly having to cancel when "things come up"[i do understand that life happens, but really, when 9 out of 10 times you have to cancel, i start to doubt whether you really want to get together to begin with]. with a husband and baby, i really don't have time to pursue people who don't really want to be friends.

as i type this, i think i probably come off so needy[i blame my poor writing skills on the fact that i am more a math/science nerd, than english geek], i'm really just longing for that best friend that i can shop with and have a girls night out with, and do lunch and text randomly....just be ourselves and not have to try so hard! i have a wonderful husband/best friend/lover who is so wonderful, and the most darling little pudge of a baby, the is girl connection that i'm lacking.

and that isn't to say i have no friends that are girls, i do have one close friend, but she lives rather far away and our life schedules don't allow for very much time together; as well as a few other friends who are girls. it's been about 6 years since i've had a best friend, and when i am being perfectly honest, i will admit that i miss that.

a lot

and now for a random pic of my flannel shirt, leggings and boots- because i love the fall