one year

                        dear jude,

one year ago today, at 5:20 am, you were born.

you were so anticipated, from the moment we knew you were coming, our future bent and changed to reveal a different picture, a better picture. i was so nervous that something might happen, that you might not make it here [being a nurse, i know too much]. i am so glad you did. 

things kicked into high gear after the 20 week appointment, and we found out you were a boy, and you were growing so well! i had so much fun creating your nursery, getting the perfect look for my precious boy- looking high and low for the little touches to make your nursery fun and bright [and very anti-theme]. it had to be unique, like you.

i couldn't wait for you to be in my arms, i was beyond annoyed by the end, with all the comments and advice- why does no one just let me be excited? but i knew it would all be worth it to get you, a sort of initiation into the mommy club. 

i was so excited at my last few appointments! there's nothing better than hearing you might come early! i was scheduled to work up until my due date, and i didn't want to spend a single day of my 10 weeks off waiting for you to arrive. and you didn't let me down!

at 1:30 am, my water broke; and less than 4 hours later, your sweet face was looking into mine! my heart was in awe of you- your smell, your hair, your face, your noises, your everything. you were beyond anything i ever could have wanted, and yet you were exactly everything i dreamed of...

 you have caused me to grow every minute since. the lack of sleep, the fact that my everything now effected you- there was no room for selfishness. that letting go of self-centeredness [to a degree i didn't even realize] hurt- it was a type of growing pains i didn't even know. 

i say all that to say this- your first year has been the biggest gift to me! your sweet personality, your stubborn streak[no idea where you get that from], your kisses, your little voice and the way you already sway and sing to music- every smile and laugh. myheartcouldburst!

i'm more than thankful you are mine. thank you so much for finding your way to me.

                                      with more love than you will ever know,

your mama